My mother messaged me today to tell me her best friend enrolled in a “happiness” course designed to bring more happiness into her life but has now become sadder due to the amount of homework and the irony is killing me.
"No one commits suicide because they WANT to."
I have been diagnosed with two kinds of depression, melancholic (depressed because of personality/physical makeup) and non-melancholic (depressed because bad things have happened). I have also been diagnosed with Bipolar II, which causes upswings of relative normality before the next fall downward.
Depression is a word that is thrown around a lot, but rarely understood. There are people who use the term to garner sympathy, yes, but there are many more who experience a depressive disorder at some stage in their life.
Let me give you an idea of what depression is from my own experiences. Depression is being unable to find a reason to leave your room, even when your friends have invited you out specifically.
Depression is trying to sleep forever, just trying to get away from it all. Depression is the slow discovery that you are only making things worse by hiding from your problems. Depression is not being able to leave your bed anyway.
Depression is playing video games for sixteen hours so you don’t have to think. Depression is the realisation that you haven’t eaten in four days, and that you still can’t bring yourself to eat.
Depression is going to the doctor and not saying anything about feeling down, because you’ve been like this forever, things aren’t going to get better and it’s all your fault anyway. Depression is booking the first visit to a psychologist, then cancelling again and again because you can’t deal with talking to a new person right now.
Depression is a feeling, constant and overpowering. Depression is lethargic, self-hating, manipulative and enduring.
I’ll never be free of it, I know that now. It was a relief to be diagnosed earlier this year. Finally I knew what was wrong with me. I can always use more reasons to find something wrong about myself. I’m an extroverted guy, I put on a mask and no one can tell that I am thinking that the only reason that I don’t jump in front of a car is because I don’t want to damage the vehicle.
I’m on medication now. It helps a bit. Therapy helps some more. But it will always be lurking around the corner, waiting to hit me again if I don’t pay attention. Depression likes kicking you while you are down.
I am happy that people with melancholic depression can get past it and move on with their lives. But let there be no misunderstanding here. Depression is so much more than “feeling sad all the time.”
For those who identify with anything I mentioned in this message, please get yourself to a doctor. Free referrals to a psychologist are available. If you are feeling suicidal, services like Lifeline and BeyondBlue are available in every country. Keep fighting, you can beat the black dog down.
Does anyone else constantly try to get themselves to go to sleep by yelling “Now, to bed!” or some variant, hoping that it’ll encourage them to actually get off the computer and go the hell to sleep?
Then, several hours later, when you realise you are only going to get three hours sleep now anyway, you finally go to bed.
World Suicide Prevention Day - Here to help.
Hey all. I know sharing statuses like these can be cheesy, or seem like someone is just trying to jump on the bandwagon. However, as many of you know, I’ve had a pretty terrible year. Sometimes the thought of subtracting myself from the world in a suitably ironic fashion certainly appealed to me.
I’m not afraid to let people know that I have been recently diagnosed with Bipolar II, Melancholic and Non-Melancholic Depression. In addition to some other things that I won’t go into, I’ve felt like my life has collapsed in on itself. I write this from my room, where I have spent the majority of the last six months.
If you are feeling like everything is hopeless, if you are stuck in the area between nervous energy and lethargy, if you slowly realise you haven’t eaten in four days because you couldn’t be bothered, there are people out there who care for you, who want to help you. I have only survived by the continuing friendship, help and guidance of close friends of mine (you hopefully know who you are) and my loving family.
I understand that not everyone has access to the support networks I do, and while I can’t substitute for an entire social network, I can help.
If you are feeling depressed, if continuing to push ahead starts getting too hard, if you are setting yourself up to fail so you can have something to beat yourself up over later, give BeyondBlue a call. Tell a trusted mate or two, and your family if you are on good terms. Alternatively, shoot me a message, but the assistance I’ll be able to give will be a friendly ear and some advice to get you going again.
The world is better with you in it. I know, because I’m shallow and only pick the cream of the crop to associate with. As the saying goes, if you are looking for a sign not to kill yourself, this is it.
i didnt choose the thug life my mom picked it out for me
it was on sale
My new project - Tales From Other Worlds.
Tales From Other Worlds is a new blog that I have created to provide little glimpses into other words. This will give me a creative outlet while I do research on my novel and hopefully, in time, give other authors the opportunity to showcase pieces of their own work. Submissions welcome.